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Hopefully, you have at least one ride-or-die, loves you madly, thinks you are the bomb.com personal cheerleader. The President of the You Fan Club. Someone who believes in you and lifts you up. And you have at least one person who sucks the energy, the confidence, and the courage right out of you, like a self-esteem vampire. You might even have a particular place or situation that makes you feel inadequate, self-conscious, and unworthy. If you want to build your confidence and courage, you’ve got to avoid confidence-crushing people and places.
Bestie Real Talk: As awesome as you are, not everyone will like or support you. As awesome as pizza is, some people don’t like it, and there’s nothing you can do to change their minds. Instead of trying to force them to like pizza, stop inviting them to your pizza party!
If every time you talk to your mom about your business idea, she criticizes, makes negative comments, or goes passive-aggressive on you, she is eroding your confidence with each “Well, I really hope it works, because you will be devastated if it doesn’t.”
Or maybe every time you go to a particular networking group, you feel like an outsider who doesn’t belong. You’ve tried to connect with the other members, but it’s too clique-y for your tastes.
Become aware of the negative energy and realize where it’s coming from. Your momma loves you, but she’ll never understand your goals. That networking group will never accept you, and that’s okay- it’s not the right group for you.
Understand the Negativity
Once you become aware of the confidence-crushing people, places or situations, you can begin to understand what is causing it. Spoiler Alert: It has nothing to do with you.
What is really causing your momma’s negativity? Is she trying to hurt you, or is she scared for you? Since I don’t know your mom, I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she’s just frightened and trying to protect you. Because that’s what mom’s do. You have pushed way past her comfort zone, and she wants to drag you back to keep you safe.
And that clique of bitches from the networking group? They may see you as a threat to their self-esteem. Maybe excluding you makes them feel more powerful. Understand that the people’s negativity truly has nothing to do with you and everything to do with their self-worth and confidence.
Adjust and Avoid
There’s a big difference between avoiding people, places, and situations that make you uncomfortable because you’re growing and those that steal your confidence. If something makes you uncomfortable once, try again. But, if there’s a pattern of confidence-crushing, it’s time to adjust and avoid.
The first time you attend a new networking group, it’s natural to feel less confident- you don’t know the people, the format, the routine, who sits where- it’s a land-mine filled battlefield. But, if you are still uncomfortable after attending three meetings, if no one is welcoming, if you still feel like an outsider, it’s time to find a new group.
If every conversation involving your business idea you have with your mom is filled with negativity that leaves you questioning yourself, it’s time to stop talking about it.
Your confidence is your responsibility. Once you become aware of others’ negativity that impacts your faith in yourself, you’ve got to avoid confidence-crushing people and places.